Joke:
A guy\'s tossing peanuts into the air and catching them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asks him a question, and as he turns to answer, the peanut falls into his ear. He tries to dig it out, but that only pushes it in deeper, so he and his wife decide to go to the hospital.
As they\'re about to go out the door, their daughter comes in with her date. They explain, and the daughter\'s date says, "I can get the peanut out." He tells the father to sit down, shoves two fingers into the father\'s nose, and tells him to blow hard. The father blows and the peanut flies out of his ear. The mother and daughter are all excited, but the daughter\'s date says, "Ah, it was nothing."
After her daughter takes her date to the kitchen for something to eat, the mother turns to the father and says, "Isn\'t he smart? I wonder what he plans to be."
The father says, "From the smell of his fingers, I\'d say our son-in-law."
Joke 2:
There\'s this Amish girl and she tells her mom that her hands are cold. So her mom tells her to put them between her legs to get them warm. So she does and it surprisingly works. The next day, her Amish boyfriend says his hands are cold so she tells him to put them between her legs. He does and it works, so he tells her his penis is cold and she tells him to put it between her legs.
She goes home and says,\'\'Hey mom, do you know what a penis is?\'\'
"Yes," her mom says.
The girl says, \'\'Did you know they\'re really messy when they thaw out?"
Joke 3: Three guys: a Canadian, Osama bin Laden, and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it.
"I will give each of you each one wish. That\'s three wishes total," says the genie.
The Canadian says, "I\'m a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."
With a blink of the genie\'s eye, *POOF* the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews, or Americans can come into our precious state."
Again, with a blink of the genie\'s eye, *POOF* there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.
"Uncle Sam" (A former civil engineer), asks, "I\'m very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it\'s about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick, and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out - it\'s virtually impenetrable."
Uncle Sam says, "Fill it with water."
Joke 4:
There were these two guys working late in a morgue, when one guy said, “Hey man there is a woman in there with a shrimp in her vagina!” The other asked, “What is a shrimp doing a dead woman\'s vagina? Let me go see.”
Both of them went in the room with the woman, and they both curiously looked. Finally, the second man said, “You idiot, this ain\'t no shrimp it\'s a clitoris.”
And the other man replied, “Well, it tasted like shrimp to me.”
Joke 5:
The teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Little Johnny waves his hand, "Me, teacher! Oh, me, me!" The teacher smiles and says, "All right, Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?" Little Johnny says, "Mas-tur-bate."
The teacher is taken aback, but she manages to smile and says, "Wow, Johnny, that\'s a mouthful."
Little Johnny says, "No, ma\'am, you\'re thinking of a blowjob. I\'m talking about jerking off."
Dr. Hook
Herr Nilson
Ventox
